You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was CRYING into my vagina
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
