Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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