i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
