Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
