he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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