i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
