Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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