It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
