I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
