I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
