I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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