She is in my trunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why are your pants in the freezer?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
