Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
