i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
