We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
