wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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