I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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