So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
