It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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