bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
