time to smoke my breakfast
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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