i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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