How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
