our cab driver is having phone sex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
