the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
