Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
