he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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