my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
