her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Vodka?
Forever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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