NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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