If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
