All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
