Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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