Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
