Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
