soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
