I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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