I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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