Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
