wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
