Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
