I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I did not marry a roomba.
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