listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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