I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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