These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
