wat bout pragnant strippers??
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
