I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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