I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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