There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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