happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
