Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
